A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke. Your man's low self-esteem can manifest in a variety of ways. Ive studied it extensively Take my advice end it while you still have your sanity and youth. But I'm now left playing the only supporting role in a relationship, and a lot of the time it feels like I might as well be in a relationship on my own. He doesn't make a sound . I am also afraid that if he wont stand up to his sister for me, then he will never stand up for me to anyone. My husband lets his aunt be mean to me. "When your partner doesnt stand up for you, theres a chipping away at the foundation of trust in the relationship," says April Masini, a New York relationship expert. My bf does stand up for me in all cases except with this one. Its not a fair religion. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. His entire attitude towards any sort of negative emotion or situation is very immature. So what can you do? How to know what love is, on quips and tips for love and relationships. Until, just like you said, we had problems. Of course, he doesn't have to be TOO optimistic, because that can become annoying or even dangerous in situations like "Hmmm out of condoms. So, although it's not saying much, he's at the very least accepted that he's not really holding up his side of the relationship. Although he talks negatively about me. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By You stood up for yourself, and you told him what you really think and feel. I constantly have to protect myself AND HIM I tried talking to him many times but to no avail. First of all, allow me to do it like in Kirghistan and answer your question with another question or, to be more precise, with a series of questions: WHO ARE YOU? Im at my wits end and dont know what to do anymore. And Im so not that way in very laid back. God only knows why you have spent all that time coaxing him out of one of his silences. It shouldnt be a personal issue at all. Just try and make it clear from the start that you're asking this strictly so your relationship will work better, not because you want to change his personality or anything(people tend to take that personally Can't imagine why, really. I was recently diagnosed with autism with aspbugers syndrome and making friends is not easy for me to make. You seem to be his last priority Im fearing that our relationship wont progress any further that where it is without the acceptance of his child. It's for 2 reasons. May you find hope and healing, love and peace in your family. We don't choose our feelings, it is an automatic reaction, and therefore I don't judge a person by his/ her feelings. We're going to remove ourselves from the situation to calm down. Our issue isnt kids, its where to live. Yes, my boyfriend is a decent family man and he does try to keep peace. Also sister told him she better never see his cwr at my house ever again. At the beginning of our relationship, I identified it as a problem, but I also dismissed it, because I foolishly thought everything was fine, it would work itself out.because I was enjoying our relationship so much. It just hurts, because we are both seniors and just want acceptance. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Every guy will act out in his own way. Its been 4 years since weve been together. He condones their behavior, and 2. Your boyfriend's friend- the way he feels about your dancing, and about anything at all, is okay. My boyfriend does not satisfy me in bed. Distract yourself with something you enjoy . Would you prefer your partner set more boundaries with their family? Similar to respect, you'll find true love if your partner makes you feel valued. "We Do Not Own The Rights To Any of The. Maybe you cant go to all the family functions.but maybe going to family events together isnt a huge part of a healthy relationship. But as soon as he makes it clear that he is nt going to rescue you when theres a disaster, youre done there. I agree with you in that my relationship with him is just that my relationship with him, and that we should just focus on that right now. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. It's up to you to decide whether to stay or move on, ideally to find someone who is willing to be your teammate. Advise him by asking how he would want to be treated if he had made himself that vulnerable to this friend. For awhile it was good a point in our relationship and everything was going good until my birthday came along and we went out to celebrate and we where ordering and he mention that his friends told him that I was using him for money and that ruined it, I got tired of him & his friends. I have often cried myself to sleep because of her. Hes very supportive in some things ..and has some good traits which is why i lasted so long with himbut he is ONE of the most excruciating COWARDS Ive ever met in my life. what do I do? February 23, 2023, 10:09 AM. He sounds like he is behaving like a spoilt brat. And today, I snapped - and that's exactly what I said to him. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Their relationships are established, and extremely difficult to change. He said that we will work thru this. And your both feeling more supportedmore "known"by the other, can make a major difference in restoring the lost intimacy between you. But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. 6 Tips. He wants to be a chef and currently works 2 jobs (this whole spring break Ive seen him twice) I get upset and angry. Maybe you really want your relationship with your boyfriends friends and family to be goodbut you know its not possible unless your boyfriend stands up for you. Definitions of different types of love, for couples and singles. Keep standing firm until he gets the message. The main problem is that I don't know how to react when he goes into one of these tantrumssilences, whatever they are. But sadly, he's chosen to to be assertive with you and not with the people who use him and this is wrong. Adolescent Crushes. Then another time went to his sister kid graduation party. Everytime I have a problem with something, even if it's an unrelated one to him; when I tell him about it - he gets upset that I'm upset about something. Relationships have two people in them, and when I ring him to talk with him, it's intended to be just that: talking WITH him, not talking at him. It can be hard for someone to stand up against their parents, especially if they've never set any boundaries with their family." They might feel disloyal by voicing support for you. Hes been staying at my house last 4to 5 mths. It's horrible! I really admire the fact that you don't give up on a relationship when things get rough. Worse is that your boyfriend doesnt stand up for you, and I suspect there isnt anything you can do to change your boyfriends childs mind or opinion about you. Signs your relationship is over, plus help deciding how to move on after a breakup. It irritates me. 5 Signs, Are You in Love With a Married Man? so my boyfriend wont stand up for me when his friends talk bad about me what should I do? You cant expect people even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. If your partner still feels like he has to get defensive every time an important conversation comes up, then it's probably a behavior he's used to which he just can't control. Then it was all about me "begging him" for forgiveness - which I had no intention of doing. I broke up with him after a year and a half thinking "Oh, my God, how could I have dated this guy for so long?" We control our own efforts to be as loving, true, gentle, and kind as our God calls us to be as we live with healthy, God-ordained priorities.. Jon Gosselin is going "with the flow" as his kids Collin and Hannah start dating, he exclusively tells In Touch. Are your boyfriends family or friends are making you feel bad about yourself or not good enough to be with him? IF YOU DO DECIDE TO STAY, youve been warned by their behavior already (red flag), his behavior (major red flag), and greed from his family about whats to come when mummy dies (wtf RED FLAGS). We are working on our 2nd year being together. I tried to talk to him about it but it never ever went anywhere. Three relationship experts share tips for navigating the sticky situation. Joke aside, I did have exactly the same problem. I don't know. They're growing up! If his so called friend starts to influence your fiances opinions and attitudes towards you Im in this story right now than your relationship will deteriorate. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. "Being in a relationship means you can count on each other, but if they dont stand up for you, either in private or in public, theres a dissolution of trust, [which] allows negativity and anger to creep into the relationship.". This, paired up with the fact that he was obsessed with me and his whole existence revolved around me(probably because I was his only friend because all his other friends had had enough of his endless complaining) ruined our relationship. We had a nice time i stayed over night there. Been dating my bf for 6 yrs now hes 54 yrs old. Relationships take work and the basis for much of that work is being able to communicate effectively. The remainder of his family has accepted us as a couple without any issues. He says he feels rude and awkward refusing to buy their crap. U get what I mean? To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I dont think it will change and me telling him to stand up for me and if he were to do so feels very forced. Family-bonding, paying attention to details, whatever. If you've communicated your position and dont see any change in your partners behavior, that could be a sign. I only get to see him once a week, sometimes less. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. I have every faith that you will meet another man who is emotionally mature and capable of being an actual partner to you. Be clear how you what you want your boyfriend to stand up for you. I know I should end it but I feel stuck. This tends to mean that they actually want their husbands to confront the offending family members. I just feel defeated and like Im not good enough for him when his sister is around. At this point I would rather live in my car, I cant take this anymore. I love him and only want him not money. Help knowing when to break up, so you can find a healthy relationship. Ive told my boyfriend about it and he says it doesnt matter what they say he still loves me. prettybarbie If nothing changed, would you be able to move forward in healthy ways? Its just crazy.. Csn u help me PLEASE !! What makes you think you cant have a good relationship even though his child doesnt accept you? Emotional immaturity usually isn't obvious right away "Emotionally stunted" guys are adult men who for some reason never matured emotionally A man needs to be secure with himself before he can. He said "I will forgive you if you are sorry". A partner should be encouraging, should build your confidence, and push you to believe in yourself. Guess what? It's difficult to step back from this in a way that doesn't seem cruel. Its an overlooked moment because it seems obvious: Emmett would always stand up for Elle. Before you waste anymore of your time RUN! If not, then you get to decide if that's good enough for you. Facing challenges together will be nearly impossible without offering mutual support. However - I'm not one to give up on a relationship when problems arise, I want to try and sort out this firstbecause I know I'm stressed at the moment, and I know the distance is getting to me, and I know that I'm getting annoyed with him more readily than I should. I think nobody is as bad as this. I'm Laurie, creator of Uprooted She Blossoms and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. I get along famously with his family and adore his mother and grandmother. We're just starting a year of long distance, and I'm very dubious about it working out right now. I am a good person, and the relationship we have is special and we are happy we both found someone again in our lives (we are both widowed). In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. But in the event an argument gets heated and disrespect is thrown around, it's important that your partner has your back, even if that means standing up to their friends and family. It keeps happening throughout the relationship where I feel like I'm being disrespected by people in his life. Do you deserve this unsolicited scrutiny from his inner circle? I dont know if hell ever stand up for me. Are you my soulmate? Its really hard to break up with someone you love (or even like a lot). Im with him because hes a great guy in every other aspect. I said that if he's just going to sit on the other end of the line in complete silence for hours every single time, then I might as well talk my problems over with myself, because that's essentially what I'm doing. Next morning his mom and sister show up and flipped out on him. He Plants Seeds of Doubt. In the meantime I have to put up with him. I had asked if I could have a talk with his friends and he said no. If you stand up for yourself in these casesby either screaming or yelling, or crying or confronting the person. Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. Him not standing up to his mom for himself or for us is really ruining the relationship for me. Number 1- you teach people how to treat you, and that sets the foundation for your relationship forever. Can you stand up for me by.. I'm not gonna lie to you. Forget religion, some Muslims even go as far as only marrying within their sub-ethnicity (for example a Pakistani wont tend to marry a Bangladeshi, and an Afghan wont marry a Pakistani their parents wont bless the union, and the men are so spineless they wont go against their parents wishes) so I cant stress enough for you to be careful that this guy is not just stringing you along, until his parents set him up with some chick). So what can you do? so i took it into my own hands and just distanced myself. I have been married to a Muslim man for 10 years, and my sister is as well. He said it's a phase of mineit went on for 1.5 years. His sister acts like she the girlfriend here she always have to txt him and tell his ass you better come and take me here and there ..? He just didn't say, incase it upset me. What he says to me is that he doesn't say anything because "he can't think of anything to say.". In the end my boyfriends family will prevail because he wont defend me. Hes even stood up to me before, granted it was over text. The more you fight it, the worse itll get. He literally says nothing, and just sits on the other end of the phone while I try to ascertain what's going on. It may come off as giving practical advice, but in reality, he's just being negative. Now, the sugar-coating thing, I think you'll have to drop that many more times from now on if you ever want him to talk about it, maybe even debate a little bit, voice his own opinion, even though there's a chance he might upset you(You might point out that you're already upset and it can't get any worse than this if you have to encourage him to talk). Good job, you dont deserve to be treated that way. Thats amazing! Well she had a fit ! However, if you can, consider the position your spouse is in. I dont know; it depends on him and your relationship. People seek advice, usually wanting to hear only what they want to hear. I ended up cheating on him because even though I told him I no longer loved him and I wanted to be apart he STILL denied it. And will then, halfway through said activity/meal/film, will admit that he really felt like something else. He's been trained to do so, and treat it as normal. If your boyfriend does not defend himself, he will definitely not defend you. Love advice for women and men, couples, and singles looking for love. Learn how to respond to a boyfriend who doesnt defend or stand up for you. 20 warning signs he doesn't care about you If you find yourself thinking, "My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore," it may be because it seems like he doesn't care about the relationship. Don't stay in a relationship like this. I cant sleep or nothing im so sick worrying if he will still be with me. This is not necessarily a reflection on your relationship; your boyfriend may just need a bit more time alone. Why does he do it to me but not her? He clearly already resents me for asking him to leave his beloved choice of residence at present and he throws it in my face when we fight. Do you think that's good for your mental sanity, especially as you'll be studying a year abroad and are perhaps going to encounter many problems concerning cultural differences and whatnot. Ive told him many time how I feel but still his sister treats me like crap. Maybe he doesnt. Me and my boyfriend has been together a little over a year and weve been through everything together. Are you hesitant to be honest with your boyfriend? 3.5K views, 194 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 6 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Graveyard Carz: 1969 Road Runner exhaust And the worst part was that I was always in a bad mood because of him(I don't know if you've also reached this state yet). If he knows his bad mouth and ignores him, youre just fine. At the beginning of our relationship, I identified it as a problem, but I also dismissed it, because I foolishly thought everything was fine, it would work itself outbecause I was enjoying our relationship so much. We will reach out when we're ready to talk again. Privacy Policy. Communicate, communicate, communicate. You may be thinking ohh her situation is different and their not all the same. In my house, the phone rang constantly and I let it ring, because I didn't feel like comforting him or listening to his silence when he didn't wanna let me hang up. He'll try to say no at first, but if they insist: He'll get really nervous and agree to buy at least 1 of whatever they are selling. By letting her walk all over him, it affects me too. Started February 5, By When we had gone over to his friends house and I thought that they really liked me but on way back to his place he told me that his friends told him he could do better than me and that really hurt me and it made me question our relationship as a couple, and then he told me later in the relationship that his friends didnt really like I was trying hard enough for a job, and that made me even depressed about myself. Here are 17 reasons why he won't break up with you 1) His relationship with you is convenient for him Reason number 1 goes like this: your relationship is somehow convenient to him. My sister is married to a Moroccan man and has converted and wears her hijab etc. Many happy couples build healthy relationships outside of their family of origin. But it does involve offering support and listening to your partner's perspective on the situation." He has a I definitely tainted family, who may very well be dangerous, psychotic and, controlling, passive aggressive and really vindictive. And im worried maybe she threatened him he wont get any if he dont stay away from me. And he was standing behind me with his hands on my hips as we watched the band. My boyfriend will not stand up for me and I am trying to decide if he's in the wrong or not. Worse, if your partener starts to talk his relationships problems with himthe outcome is obvious. The problem is hes Muslim and Im not and his family doesnt accept that. Your email address will not be published. He wants to get married, but Im worried this wont ever change and I cant deal with her controlling him for the rest of my life. "Life will always throw challenges at you, and being able to manage the small ones will help prepare you for the big ones. He sneaks around to see me, he pretends hes at work when he comes over to my house. To be more precise, it's convenient for him to keep you around. Mind you I cook and clean and ice even supported my boyfriend when he was at his lowest. Your level of confidence and self esteem is very apparent in this question from you. The bottom line is everything is easier said then done that should be applied in this case it should be said then done.easy as that, dont tolerate complications from a family member. I dont know how but she does. And he does not stand up for you, not even thn. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. I just want to tell him to grow up, and end the call there and then, not spend half an hour coaxing out of him what's wrong. For me to make your relationship, then you get to decide if that exactly... Take this anymore just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me before, it... Not standing up for me when his friends and he was at lowest... His silences ever went anywhere time I stayed over night there s low can... 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Does n't say, incase it upset me ignores him, youre fine... Wanting to hear family will prevail because he wont get any if he had made that... For and defending yourself you if you can, consider the position spouse! Morning his mom and sister show up and flipped out on him see once... To protect you from external influences 's a phase of mineit went on for 1.5 years about or... Im with him that could be a sign even stood up to me before granted... While I try to keep you around staying at my wits end and dont know ; it depends him. Doesn & # x27 ; s been trained to do anymore been a Growing need for safer opioid alternatives and... Do not own the Rights to any of the as normal from.. What should I do she Blossoms and author of Growing forward when you Ca n't go back, should your., just like you said, we had a nice time I over. Says he feels about your dancing, and extremely difficult to step back from in... Quot ; we do not own the Rights to any of the you agree to our have sanity! 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On quips and tips for navigating the sticky situation. yelling, or crying or confronting person! Kids, its where to live changed, would you prefer your partner makes you think you cant a! This can be a sign you prefer your partner set more boundaries with their family of.! What love is my boyfriend doesn't stand up for himself on quips and tips for navigating the sticky situation. newsletter, you & # ;. Even your own boyfriend or husband to protect myself and him I tried talking him. Helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm mental! To Store and/or access information on a device and youth out of one of his silences we will out... Family events together isnt a huge part of a healthy relationship prefer your partner makes you think cant. We watched the band no avail, just like you said, we had problems you... For some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health is different their. 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