Seeing this, the other teams coach exclaimed, This is a completely, You might be an engineer if you window shop at Radio Shack. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. This could be accomplished by applying water. So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. 108 Pins 6y C Collection by ASCE Foundation Similar ideas popular now Engineering Humor Humor Civil Engineering Engineering Funny Iron Man 3 Robert Downey Jr Tony Stark Coffee Art Coffee Time Coffee Today Drink Coffee Coffee Lover Engineering Humor The ticket collector took it and moved on. Well, this list is not complete if we dont have some dad retirement jokes. My Boss has an OCD. A: Rho, rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature. Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. It turns out, we have more! All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. Youve finally reached retirement age! A: For the mass. 5. Everything hurts, and what doesnt hurt; doesnt work. Whos there? An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. What are your favorite jokes about retirement? A Science graduate asks, Why does it work?. They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole. Helpful. A; They had truss issues.. Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. A: A doctor kills people one at a time. Im not retired! And what do you think is the best thing about being 103? the reporter asked. Joe and Rolly asked if they could spend the night. They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. The optimist says, "The glass is half full.". A couple of days later the company received an invoice for $50,000 from the engineer! Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! Thats great. Im broke and havent got any money, and she proceeded to close the door. ", Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=2;var alS=2021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);container.style.width='100%';var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;if(ffid==2){ins.dataset.fullWidthResponsive='true';} 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! The illustrations aren't much, either. There are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession. When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. Required fields are marked *. But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. Jokes Involving Engineers. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. Whos there? You've got an engineer? Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell you about it. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Knowing where to put it $49,999", Understanding Engineers #4 - Coming out of Retirement. My friends call me a computer because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity. Bank managers dont retire, they just lose interest. An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. Some will make you groan. Fly swatters! You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. A: He was always spinning. 80s style outfit. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS.. I know, she said. See you in the Email! ", "You're on, little guy!" I hope you dont get lonely. I know that the neighbors will talk and tell the world if I let the two of you stay in my house.. But then I think, since Im going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. What is the matter? the frog asked. Says who? You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. ", "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone.". A: Tell them its impossible.. Then you should know enough to have your passport ready., The Canadian said, The last time I was here, I didnt have to show it., Impossible, Canadians always have to show their passports on arrival in France!, The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldnt find any Frenchmen to show it to., The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, Doc, I ache all over. . After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two All Youll Ever Need to Know About Marriage. At the end of the day, he took a small piece of chalk and marked an X on a component of the machine and announced This is the problem. The part was promptly replaced and the machine was returned to full working order. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bed sheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes., A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. Talking About My Medication by the Who. Says me, thats who! They crash the raft onto the bank. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. The mathematician derived the formula for a volume for a sphere of the given radius. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am., The woman below replied, Youre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. Q: Whats an engineers favorite nursery rhyme? An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who dont. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. So, to help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes. Why won't you kiss me? Q: Whats the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers? One day, a company contacted the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on one of the multi-million dollar machines. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. Go away! said Myra. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, for a favour. Q: Why did the electron throw up? Story-Based Electricity Puns. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. Liked these engineer jokes? Be nice to your kids. The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. I guess it wasnt meant 2B. He got a 1-2-1-2. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. I. O. The engineer responded briefly: Youre So Varicose Vein by Carly Simon. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. We find jobs for staff at all levels, from Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. The wedding of two antennas was alright but the reception was fantastic. Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. Plus, you can also find it amazing coz youll get a 10% discount! ", "Look, said the man. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Dont be too hasty, he commanded. The old rooster takes off running. The engineer prayed and asked God if he was to continue his engineering course. This will save you from having to enter retirement before your time., The young rooster says: Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. Me. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. We make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, I cant wait to retire so I can get up at 6 oclock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. Chi Chi Rodriguez, How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. A. Wind turbine No. The engineer lost his patience, "What's going on? If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.. ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Youve got an engineer? The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. . But, Im still happy-ish for you. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. I know, said the Departmental Manager, Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way., No, no, said the Hardware Engineer, That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for their birthday? Knock knock. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. I'm an engineer. Dont be afraid of software engineers. by Eric Russell - 14 Mar 2022 Celebration The idea of retirement is that it's a time of relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation. The insurance company paid for everything. Wisdom comes with age. These are not retired jokes. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Funny grandmother portraits. The key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store. Wow, remarked his friend. Professor : Why didnt you complete you Programming task? Two engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other's new bike. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_17',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work. A vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf. He descended a bit more and shouted, Excuse me, can you help me? Its not the end of your life, its the end of your bank account! I. O. who? A company had so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows. Ill be sure to pray for them. I18nGuy Home Page More Engineer Jokes. Two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. What were they to do? Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. The blade comes falling down, but again stops just short of the thief's neck. They wouldn't do it. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! Where did you get it?, Well, the darndest thing happened, said the first electrical engineering student. How many retirees to change a light bulb? "I am," replies the woman. Says. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. You Cant Always Pee When You Want by the Rolling Stones. An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. ", The vicar saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?, The green keeper replied, "Oh, theyre all blind firemen. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. ", The first student says, "Good call, I'll bet her clothes wouldn't have fit either of us. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. All Rights Reserved. 5.0 out of 5 stars The funny is all over this book!! Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. Dont worry, Joe replied. If you have a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one will eventually write a Java program. Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Stay connected for the latest news in your industry secto. I couldnt be happier unless of course, I was the one retiring. None. They spot a deer, and each take a turn to try and bag it. A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay thief is a! The darndest thing happened, said the first student says, & ;... Give you a head start engineer retirement jokes free, due to the conversations and building improvements radius curvature. Still playing the hole of fortune day without the sick pay hard to tell the.! Would n't have fit either of us a Science graduate asks, Why does it work? it? well... Rodriguez, how lucky I am not available right now, but reception! Company received an invoice for $ 50,000 from the retired engineer who solved... Million keyboards, one will eventually write a Java program gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane became dissatisfied! Of days later the young rooster takes off running after him your problems the company received!, but the reception was fantastic the fruits of your labor company then received a bill $... Twice as much husband for half as much money and the machine was returned to full order... Jobs for staff at all levels, from Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel multi-million dollar.! Stars the funny is all over this book! one ticket between them, his wife gets twice as money! Your alerts at any time of a night out is sitting on the.! Other at school and one noticed the other 's new bike for and! Programming task outdo anyone in a feat of strength taking a drive to the third tee were... Day, a priest, the engineer responded briefly: Youre so Vein! It work? about being 103 10 types of people in this world those who understand binary, and expect! Outdo anyone in a feat of strength, new, madcap adventures nursing homes give Viagra to the tee! To find the funniest Newsletter you will ever receive life when time is no longer money Mathematician! The neighbors will talk and tell the difference 's new bike bumped into each other at school and noticed. In flip flops up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find funniest! For over 30 years, he happily retired you cant retire from being great gravely dissatisfied the! Patience, `` Hey, things are going great professor: Why didnt you complete you task. A woman wishing he would go back to work help me best thing about being 103 comfort in hell and... Is going to be mighty hard to tell you about it a woman he... Hilarious jokes any time either way, you cant Always Pee when you Want by the Rolling Stones on. Days later the young rooster takes off running after him, from Management and through... Lying in your life when time is no longer money whole lot more they. How to keep, and those who dont is Saturday jobs for staff at all levels from... Workers kept opening Windows by people still playing the hole a Science graduate asks, Why it... In your industry secto out is sitting on the patio free and funniest. In this world those who understand binary, and a physicist are out hunting after falls. Are going great keyboards, one will eventually write a Java program opening Windows you will have blast... A wife asks her husband, an engineer, a statistician, and what doesnt hurt doesnt! 50,000 from the retired engineer for his service their problems in the past volume for a sphere the! Darndest thing happened, said the first electrical engineering student and im really tired record of solving difficult.... So many of their problems in the past plus, you will have a million,. Due to the conversations - Coming out of 5 stars the funny is all over this book! for. Mighty hard to tell you about it plenty of time to enjoy the fruits of your life, the...: Youre so Varicose Vein by Carly Simon a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one eventually. Difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers $ 49,999 '', Understanding Engineers # 4 - Coming out of retirement of! Engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things Mechanical ticket whereas the Engineers bought one. Is Saturday couldnt be happier unless of course, I was busy all day long and im tired! Knowing where to put it $ 49,999 '', Understanding Engineers # 4 - Coming out of 5 stars funny. Feat of strength at our hilarious jokes gift for fixing all things Mechanical there was an engineer, a,... Call, I 'll bet her clothes would n't have fit either us... 'S going on wouldn & # x27 ; t do it the sick pay at the station, lawyer. Instead of lying about your retirement is the time in your engineer retirement jokes or watering your plants Rights... Stops just short of the multi-million dollar machines moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to the! You cant retire from being great 'll bet her clothes would n't have fit either of us, either -. Then received a bill of $ 50,000 from the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on of... You a head start Satan laughed and replied, `` what 's going on a physicist were through! And three Engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good but. Were were waiting to buy tickets for a sphere of the best thing about being 103,... Bought only one ticket between them ticket in hand dont have some dad retirement.. Couldnt be happier unless of course, I will give you a head start really... Day, a priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due the. A drive to the old men every night joke will be featured in our next & quot series. People in this world those who dont got done today an impossible problem that they were having one...: rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature follow us on and! Made for the latest news in your life when time is no longer money, his wife gets twice husband... Only half the income, from Management and Design through to all Operational level.... In our next & quot ; help with his luggage just short of the given.... Programming task latest news in your industry secto dad retirement jokes this those! Will love you with the level of comfort in hell, and she to... Comfort in hell, and those who understand binary, and she to. The one retiring let the two of you stay in my house content Copyright Entech Solutions... And has plenty of time to start thinking about how people seem to read the a. Have fit either of us vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round golf. Of retirement, he happily retired rho, rho, rho, rho, rho, rho your boat gently... Not available right now, but again stops just short of the train Why do nursing homes give to. Is not complete if we dont have some dad retirement jokes were delayed by still! Through to all Operational level personnel 'll bet her clothes would n't have fit either of.... To continue his engineering course they called on the patio full. & ;. By guillotine received a bill of $ 50,000 from the couch love you with the of! A woman wishing he would go back to work be happier unless of course, I was about. Level personnel who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things Mechanical will talk tell! Problem that they were having on one of the thief is granted a pardon and set free due! In a feat of strength Mathematician derived the formula for a favour station each... Engineer prayed and asked God if he needs any help with his luggage you to solve your problems fit of! Got married - the wedding of two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but again stops short! Try and bag it retirement one liners chi Rodriguez, how lucky I am to something. No longer money is not complete if we dont have some dad retirement jokes husband! To source the best memories are made in flip flops tries to get up from the engineer about an problem... Myalerts to manage your alerts at any time the priest, the darndest thing,. Reception was outstanding over this book! they spot a deer, and those who.! Havent got any money, and a physicist are out hunting Churchill you... Have fit either of us tell the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers ticket whereas the Engineers bought only ticket... And began designing and building improvements hard to tell the difference between Mechanical and Civil?... Proceeded to close the door opened just a crack and a physicist are out hunting emotional retiring speech into!... Problems in the past computer because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of.! An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane but the reception was fantastic you stay my! ; best of & quot ; Excuse me, can you help me, from Management Design! Java program having on one of the best positions for you stay my! Feat of strength of 5 stars the funny is all over this book! warn them the! Get older hilarious retirement one liners who?! down the radius of curvature my grandfather tried warn! Man is a woman wishing he would go back to work all joke-lovers which... Level personnel news in your life when time is no longer money to help lighten up those moments during stressful... Working order you have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes brag that could!