Because vulnerability increases the chance that you might get hurt, being vulnerable can be scary. And done much worse. He says he knows how he feels and he will never feel anything for me again. I think my turning point was about 5 years ago I noticed an extreme change in his behavior and attitude towards me, investigated why, and found out he was texting and calling several different girls while he was working out of town, my body started shaking, I cried and cried and cried, I had no control over my emotions. I have shut people out but it takes a bloody lot more than that and at least has warning! Its lots of girls across different SM accounts. Matter of fact, i deleted her number from my contact. Few weeks ago, arguments ensued between us over the phone because I went to her baby fathers house because she promised to see me but played me. Why are you more concerned about the pain you caused your boyfriend than the pain he caused you? Single. . Then i started to fall.We had our fights and she wanted to leave me at least 4 different times. She hasnt asked for a divorce, and Im also trying to move closer to her and my daughter. I just feel tired like the fight in me is gone and I just dont care if it works out or not. Im so anxious and scared. I have agreed to try again but can one fall in love again when my heart is with the other guy. However, after that I developed some major trust issues. Ending a Marriage When You Still Love Each Other. If you want to build an intimate and loving relationship, you and your spouse must be honest with each other about how you are feeling and what you want for the future of your relationship. Then to make matters worse later that evening I was trying to talk to him and he was ignoring me on purpose so to get his attention I told him that if he didnt listen that he could pack his bags and go. What does it take for someone to want to be better? Earlier this week she said she didnt love me anymore and that she doesnt want to be with me ever again. Then you can search controlling and see what books come up in Amazon. But if you made a habit of lying and getting caught, that would explain why your ex hates you. since we have this money issues i dont demand something new to try with him, i let him know that i understand his situation. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. Your reactions are understandable. About 3 and a half years ago I lied to her about my brother dying. I know a part of him still wants me though :/ really depressed now :(, Ive been on both sides of the coin in your situation. Usually the one word hides deep and sometimes painful feelings and attitudes. Thanks for taking the time to read all this. Love and hate are similar in being directed toward another person because of who he or she is. 1. Is this a bad habit he picked up from going with the wrong friends? "When boiled down to its essence, unforgiveness is hatred .". After the breakup or the loss of a loved one, you will feel powerlessbut that's okay. Hi J Would he find you less attractive because you werent perfect? With the degree of insight you already have and the motivation that I believe you also have, your whole entire therapy process should be under a year, maybe even six months of effort. He screamed so hard she screamed in terror (at 2 mos when she just got home). but yeah me being in contact was wrong . This is why it would also help if you are up for some casual, witty banter towards the end of your date because no girl likes boring guys who just sit there in silence, especially on first dates. Someone told her I cheated on her and it is NOT true. Im writing this to say that the advice on this website worked. I walked by the Valentines day cards at the store recently and imagined her sending one to him. This crushed me of course and I was miserable all summer. I think were emotionally ok, we talk every day about how we feel and whats going on in our lives. I was just wondering if this blog is active, cause sometimes you come across old blogs which are no longer active.. Didnt mean to criticize.. As now one commented on my post and as you are the first therapist I could relate to what he/she writes I would love to hear what you have to say about my post, sincerely.. He was still talking to his ex fiance after we moved. She is 33yrs old. Hi Craig Although in my eyes thats much worse than a sexual connection with someone. and for the past 5 years I lived a life where I was scared to leave the house unless necessary out of fear of having another attack. Instinctive reaction to protect my heart, I guess. You feed his selfish ego. I am so lost. He clearly does have a problem, as he admitted a few years ago. We all respond differently to being hurt and rejection is tough to deal with. we have come to an ugly in pass where my depression and his drinking was out of control and hurting our family. Please let me know what you think. You know this blog is getting busysorry I couldnt answer everyone. He lost all contact with his ex fiance. He promised to end it. ive made huge changes to me! So she said I live with his mother. This I learned mid July. I am sure readers of this blog may be tired of hearing me say therapy so much, but Ill say it again: I would like to recommend couples therapy. He has physically, verbally, and emotionally abused me. when I told him we should plan our future he said nothing but What do you want me to tell you? Hi Alex I reached out to him to let him know that Im angry, but I still love him. .should i just let him go, i told him if he wants he can just leave.Knowing that I would be so lost.i still would let him go to have his happiness. I have been with my husband for over 12 years, 9 have been married. Your job here on earth is not to take away the pain of a person who has been so deeply hurt that he cant allow himself to be vulnerable in a relationship. Hi Kelly, It seems all the men in her life ran from her after they got to know her. He says he loves me and acts crazy and stuff when I leave. I met the love of my life 3 years ago back in high school. I didnt understand given I had said I could go, and had apologized. Other women. Unfortunately, I never completed those grievances. Any suggestions or ideas or advice is greatly appreciated. "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is. Like really how this lady who just came in my husband life gone tell me how MY HUSBAND is going think or feel. How do you know when you start to lose feelings?? She tells me herself. Advice? You have to take responsibility for your own choices. I am trying to battle on, but to be honest I am devastated beyond words. My mom still loves him (and she is a very tough cookie) and Im still very close to his family. Hi Jess, My guess is that you feel connected to someone and that is a very good feeling. And he wants to know why and how things would be different now. Does this make sense? It was as if my discovery & his responding attack of his hatred for me had never occurred. Before you can explain it to your boyfriend, you need to explain it to yourself. I have forgiven him and Im willing to work things out because I really do love him. I am 26 and he is 28 years old. The way I used to treat him like a king. I really like this girl and understand what she is going through. He tried to lie and tell me he didnt want to lay down because of his night terrors yet hes ok with falling asleep on the couch? Now it was this time I realized how much I loved her. so over the course of 2 or 3 months Ive had this gut feeling that she wanted to move to Texas also. I didnt even want to buy that expensive house because I knew Id be in school and I didnt want him to become financially overwhelmed bit what do I know? In a weird way I am hoping this will bring is closer. I am so in love with him, he has two daughters that I adore and love. Somewhere along the line, you were given toxic messages about who you are. No one can live a life without them. I sincerely thank you. I love this girl with all my heart and I did not mean to hurt her. I really am happy with my newfound love interest, but i sometimes feel like theres an emotional block preventing me from having deeper feelings for her. So idk what to do I want to move on but I cant stop, I cant trust him at all, I feel like I cant love him like I did before, I feel like this is a mistake and that I shouldnt be with him. Every emotion was real. I feel lost and helpless and this point and struggle with whether Im doing the right thing by leaving. And when we broke up it was hard. Why would the woman I love take something from my past and stab me in the back with it? He had no business messing with you emotionally even if he did nothing wrong physically. A week ago we had a fight that turned really messy resulting in him breaking up with me. . We were prepared I thought. I dont know what to do anymore!!!! I have been with my partner for almost a year now. Im trying to be nice every now and then but he gets so sensitive and blows up at the slightest thing i do. My husband turned to drinking and abused me physically, verbally, and emotionally. I need help. I went away to volunteer in a different country by myself ( it was my first time traveling alone and out of the US). It is an awful hurt that comes with this type of break up and I have empathy and can see his point. I get scared of these things when we argue like this and I wanna know what to do to help my relationship be the best it can be? I should mention the ONLY promise he has ever kept is to be faithful (I think?). Half of me wants to leave and explore the world while Im still young in which I will only have the clothes on my back and no ties to anyone or anything in the present time..the other half is wanting to work things out and earn his trust that just may never come back, to brave the constant shame and disappointment from the world around me. April 28, 2022 . Hi Princy, He tends to not see his fault in things and blames me for our issues. Im bothered by his lack of compassion, not your lack of listening. It also means having FUN: going out to fun things together the way new couples do. please help me, Hi mel, Do not give up. However I am a cheater. It is easy enough to see how love and hate can coexist in cases of unreciprocated love. Hi I been married 4 years with my husband and we have a daughter. Hi Kells Boosting your energy, increasing your love of yourself and of life, and allowing you to confidently put someone elses needs in front of your own are not easy but they are doable. Ive started with a new therapist and I really feel like she will be able to help me. I am understanding that relationships are a two-way street and in order to make them work and reciprocate the love that your partner deserves you must first love yourself. Focus on loving yourself more than hating them When you are hurt, a lot of negative emotions like sadness, disbelief, and anger take over you. Our relationship when we got back together two years ago was amazing. She spoke to her mum asking if it was normal thing putting it towards wedding jitters. The argument led her to the point that she threatned to call police if I ever come to get family house again i:e baby father or contact her or any mem5 of her family or friends. My girlfriend knew something was up with me before I even told her my plan, and in one brief conversation one morning without truly thinking it through I told her yes, I was moving and that I was not Interested in a long distance relationship as I did not like the idea of long distance, and did not know the pathway that this decision to move was leading me down. I was married for ten years before learning that my spouse had been having an affair for 2 of those years. Hi Beth, Me and my best friend have friends for almost 10 years weve had are ups and down but still remained best friend. My wife and I have been together for 17 years total, married for the last 8. She did not. Finally he visits me and decides to stay he had nothing but the stuff he brought with him so I supported him in everyway until he could himself and we were good for another year. There is emotional, mental, and sexual neglect. Hi Dr. Deb, your advice will be greatly appreciated. 15 First Date Ideas Hi Ashley My feelings for him havent changed and I think time will tell me what I feel and want. He wants to be with me but he thinks he will cheat on me again and again. Since June of 2016 we have been seeing a marriage counsellor and that has helped somewhat. We have been intermittently going to therapy since then, we spent Christmas together, etc. He likes to feel needed but I can feel his distance at times and I know that I hurt him but he hurt me too in several ways and I have owned it. We were together for 17 yrs And while it was not all bad there were period of toxic behavior and unhealthy habits that negative impacted our children. We have two children 16 and a 6 yr old . What I can say definitely is that if you learn mindfulness, it will be more powerful than medication to reduce your stress levels and depression. Ive been with my husband for five years married for two years. 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